Thanks...

The #artctrl project was supported by the ACT Writers Centre.

It's over.

Ladies and Gentlemen congratulations, you're free.

We're free. We're all free.

Actually while we're on the subject of congratulations a huge collection of them must be delivered onto the saviour of the Canberra Arts scene, Rob.

I'm getting ahead of myself, were you at the zine fair this Sunday? It was lovely, and calm, and friendly. Well friendly for the most part, because for whatever reason T-Bone and Mr B chose this lovely event to finally throw down with each other. No bodyguards, no swordsmen, just two grown men fighting like children over the charred remains of a festival nearly crushed by their madness.

It was that point dear art lovers that I intervened in the events. Despite swearing to remain neutral and simply report to you on the arts I couldn't see any outcome of this battle where the arts didn't wind up the loser. Either creativity would be crushed by Mr B, or T-Bone would burn to the ground everything we've worked as a community to build over the years.

Neither really cared about art, they both just cared about their idea of art.

Holding the last part of the document hostage I demanded they stopped fighting before I shared the info with the public, hoping some brave and just individual would discover its secrets before T-Bone, Mr B, or my crazy sister the Bird could discover what it was all about. (Yes, in case you hadn't figured that part out, she's my twin sister. Oh and T-Bone is our long-lost brother, who was taken by wombats as a small child. Sorry I neglected to mention that earlier on).

Anyway, a man named Rob was that brave individual. He solved the clues, worked out what was what, and beat us all to the end location. Well all of us but that tricksy Bird.

So it came down to Rob vs the Bird for the control of Canberra's art scene.

There was some small amount of cheating and lying involved (artists...) but in the end Rob defeated Bird, claimed the artifact, and smashed it to a million pieces on the ground.

Rob then took from the remains an object of power which granted him control over the arts scene. Defeated, T-Bone, Mr B, and the Bird fled. I remained to talk to our new reluctant master.

The final climatic scene, as captured by brave You Are Here photographer, Adam Thomas.
Correct: this incarnation of the artifact turned out to be a Skywhale piñata.

I asked Rob where would we go from here, and whether he would be a cruel or benevolent ruler. Rob chose not to rule at all.

He handed me the object of power.

"Scribe," he said "I think the most sensible decision here is to leave you in charge of this power."

I may have teared up a little.

And that, as they say was that.

So where are our major players?

Well Bird made her escape before anyone could stop her, and as far and I can tell has fled the ACT. Her motives remain mysterious, and I doubt we have seen the last of her. As I said earlier, I think we have a long-lost cousin in Newcastle.

I've handed over all the evidence of Mr B's madness and illegal mind control experiments over to certain secret Government agencies, and Mr B has been taken into custody. I doubt we'll be seeing him for a long time.

T-Bone skipped town and has recently announced that in 2015 he will be running his own "TRUE ARTS FESTIVAL" called HEY GUYS IT'S OVER HERE NOW. We'll see how he goes with that.

Mac and Betty are working hard at opening their own cupcake stall/martial arts dojo. They sent me a rough design for their logo:

Keep an eye out for when it opens on Lonsdale Street later this year.

And, it seems fitting, that they also left us with this saccharine slideshow:

And what about me? Well I'll be taking a break from reporting on the arts scene for a bit, mainly due to the fact that I am now in control of it. Conflict of interest and all that. Thing is, I never wanted to rule, I wanted to report. So during my break I will be delving deep into the underbelly of Canberra to find a place to hide this object.

I'll let you know how it goes... assuming the power doesn't consume me and cause me to dip slowly into madness which is always a danger with this 'powerful magic artifact' type scenarios.

As for Canberra arts's mysterious saviour Rob? Well he said he needed to go study for a test, and then vanished away into the night.

He was the saviour Canberra's Arts Scene needed and deserved.

So ladies and gentlemen, the arts scene once more belongs to the artists, the way things should be.

Hope you all had a great You Are Here festival, I'll see you later.

-The Scribe


Current Mood: Relieved.
Current Music: Stan Bush - You've Got the Touch.

The Document: The Final Part

Part 5 (The Twenty First Century start) 

The Twenty First Century swing came in to do its thing. The wires humMed and internet buzzed, was the Artifact here or was it there? The arts continued to roll over bulldOzer, with everybOdy doing their own thing. Winter is harsh in the CanbeRra and the summer can be a bastard of a thing. In the early days of the new TwEnty One thing a massive fire came out of the south like Hell’s big fiery mouth. Relentless and ruthless like a psyCho killer in a midnight thriller taking house and home, people and animal, bush and plain. If you ask the firies down by Rivers way they’ll tell you the ArtifAct was there that day. 

Scorched but steady it emerged from the smoke a little huffy and a little puffy, no one knew how it survived the fire in Duffy. The Canberra’s history now oLd enough to have a little mystery made appearance in the charts but nobody could dance to it. Listening and layering was what the Artifact did best so it soaked the city sounds and whisPered its secrets in a thousand ears. These have been good times and it has grown round and fat and full of tEats. 

But wiser than woRds and wilier than the wily thing down by Coppins Crossing, it sensed a change in the wInd and went to ground like a politician caught with his pants down and someone else’s credit card. Some say it’s down by the UnconFormity, some say it’s up at the Arboretum. Others say its taken up with the Galahs once again. A bikie saw it filling up by Eagle Hawk Rest. A trucky said he saw it hitchin’ further down by Pheasants Nest - have you ever stopped to notice the involvement of birds in this great big mess? Well it’s here somewhere on that you can rest but where exactly it is, is anyone’s guess.

Crossed swords and betrayals; Canberra's art war explodes.

SO MUCH IS HAPPENING AND I HAVE NOT SLEPT AND I HAVE SPENT THE LAST 6 HOURS HIDING IN A TREE OUTSIDE OF THE BMOA OFFICES TRYING TO HEAR SOMETHING OR ANYTHING IMPORTANT.

I haven't... yet.

I have however manage to hack their WiFi so  it's time for a blog update.

So what is happening?

Ok, so Mr B was all angry that he had lost X so he got the Hundred Swords guys to take over bodyguard duties for him. B and the Bird were chilling out and the Hundred Swords guys were all like hitting each other with swords for fun because they're all like super tough, when T-Bone, Mac, and X all turned up to start some trouble.

B was all like: "Swords, kill these guys!"

Then T-Bone was like "No! I'm a fancy actor, I will monologue until about half of you have joined my side!"

There was some more sword swingin when suddenly the Bird switched sides YET AGAIN and used her magic bird powers to break up the fight and summon local contemporary indie folk darlings The Cashews out of thin air.

The Cashews were all "Hey we're someplace strange and new, we better do an acoustic set!" because that is what the Cashews do, then their mojo mixed with the Bird's mojo and all the swordsmen abandoned Mr B!

Standing alone against the likes T-Bone, the Bird, Mac, X, the Hundred Swords, and the Cashews, it looked like Mr B was done for, but B wasn't out of tricks. Pulling out a remote from his pocket he used it to take control of X again, forcing her to come back to his side. I'm sure this stung poor Mac, after all the work she had done turning X back into her lost love Betty.

Betty/X then scare everyone off because she's super tough.

Seriously, she's scary.

Have you followed me so far? Does trying to understand that make you feel sleep deprived and stuck in a tree? Good, then we're on the same page.

Is that it?

NO!

There's more!

Help Betty come back by going here and playing a text adventure game!

Seriously, do it. She needs some help.

Some CREEPY AS HELL video of Mr B brainwashing X... ummm was this Government approved?


Also I have a Tumblr now!

I'm keeping track of the Bird you see...

I need some sleep.

I'm going to try and wedge myself in this tree securly enough to get some sleep.

I will see all of you at Gorman House Markets tomorrow for the Zine fair. All my sources point to that being the place where everything will come to a head.

I'll... I'll see you there.

As always keep your eyes on the Facebook Page and the Twitter Hashtag for all the info.

Goodnight.

Current Mood: Alert.
Current Music: R.E.M. - It's The End Of The World.

T-Bone gets on In Canberra Tonight

If you weren't at In Canberra Tonight tonight I have no idea how you prioritise your time, but I know that there must be deep fundamental differences between what you and I think is an appropriate use for a Thursday evening.

You missed an interesting night.

What is In Canberra Tonight?

Well it's a few things. It's a late night talk show, it's a theatre show, it's a band night, it's a collection of interviews, it's a vehicle for Chris Endrey to try out new outfits, it's also a really good night out. Tonight their focus was on the You Are Here festival, and surprise surprise, T-Bone was a special guest, along with many of his supporters.

Did we learn much? Well yes and no. T-Bone dropped no great revelations, just spouted more of his unique rhetoric on art and freedom and the like (along with a few choice threats towards the bird). It is clear that many artists are buying into the romance of T-Bones ideas, but I found it difficult to ignore the fury and madness behind those promises.

I don't think he is a well man.

Unsurprisingly the interview turned out to be a ploy, Mac sneaked backstage during the break and stole another section of the document from the You Are Here festival.

Of course I got my hands on a copy for you, do you even need to ask?

Part 4 (The late Twentieth Century years)

The slippery second section of the Twentieth Century came sliding in. Sitting sipping café coffee the Artifact watched the years wash in. It watched the faceless men, bra-less woMen and bare footed bloody hippies. It soaked up songs and signs and read them out one by one beat style, all happening, messed up and out of control. They put up traffic lights but shite still went on, pushing and pulsing the beat never stoPing.

The secret squirrels spying from the upstairs rooms heard the noise and called for backup to watch the jacked up jumpers do their contraband thing. Flood came in, franken bunnies got out. The BlacktoweR went up blaring, broadcasting, spying and surveying. The Artifact, the ANU and You Know Who were tuning in and spinning out, pushing the generation x-rated to do their art jig thing.

Blackfellas decided enough was enough so a tent embassy went up and the Corroboree went down their voices were heard all over town. There was GoUgh but he got messed up and tripped up by the other team. You see God forgot to save him when as he got jacked up by an eagle and a queen but the Artifact was there when Gough gave his famous speech, and if you offer to buy it a drink it’ll get that funny stare and tell you about the day it was there.

In came ‘88 a party of the state. Bicentennials, buy cent daniels. The whitefellas cheered the blackfellas jeered and the sheep as per usual didn’t really get the whole ceremony thing. The Artifact was there when the peOple got a New Parliament House. It even stayed a while snuck away in Hawke’s hairstyle. But the relentless tuneless song of the people called. The ArtiFact hung out with the punks and the picadors hoping to snap on the new thing as soon as it blew in, but the beat it collected cooked up and medicated turned out a worthwhile addition to its artistic sedition edition. But time doesn’t care, it doesn’t give a damn if you stand or stare. The new century was coming in like a late night freight train noisy-heavy-un-freaking-stoppable.

You know what to do people.

So where was Mr B in all of this?

I've not no hard evidence, but there have been rumours of him meeting with Canberra's most notorious warrior clan, The Hundred Swords.

If I were a betting man, I'd put my money on something big happening at The Hundred Swords' demonstration today at 6.

It'll probably be the place to be... unless you're not keen on swords, then it's probably the wrong place to be.

I hear there will be a few there.

Current Mood: Weary.
Current Music: Bryan Adams - Cuts Like a Knife.

Mr B losing numbers to T-Bone at Art Not Apart

Ok, slow down take a breath, we've got a lot of ground to cover art lovers.

Saturday Night at Art Not Apart the Blue Baron of the arts scene Mr B was attacked by T-Bone and Mac as a part of their art crusade.

BMOA supporters need not fear however as the mighty T-Bone was laid low by the tiny (but obviously powerful) X who flipped the man over. Mac had better luck with the pint sized super-soldier, and after she managed to pin X down it fell to the Bird to come out and protect Mr B with her magic powers.

Just in case you missed what I just said, I'll repeat myself.

The BIRD protected MR B with her MAGIC POWERS.

Just so we're all on the same page here. The Bird is working for B and has magic powers.

Right got that? Good, because from here on it gets weirder.

Unable to defeat the Bird T-Bone and Mac fled, kidnapping X in the process.

Here's some security footage I managed to, ah hem, "liberate":


Then Mac started calling for help online. It seems X isn't X at all, but is in fact Betty Wolfram, Mac's love interest/sparring partner from her old dojo. Mac has reached out looking for help deprogramming X, by entering a surreal virtual reality simulation.

I have offered Mac what assistance I can. While I am trying to remain neutral in the arts war I once swore to never again sit idly by while true love is denied by advanced cybernetic neural implants. That's a story for another time though, suffice to say my respect for you means I must disclose my attempts at assisting "Team Red".

Sadly I don't believe I have been much help, but plenty of you art fans pitched in and helped out. As a result, Betty appears to have returned (at least in part) and has now denounced the BMOA and taken up with T-Bone.

For those of you who were unable to help (or just wanted to skip to the end past that dammed cicada maze!) True Artists witnessed something very strange at the end of the experience:



The whole experience was a huge blow to Mr B for sure, although it seems with the Bird and her magical abilities on his side he has little to fear from T-Bone or his hench-artists. Still in sheer numbers Mr B's side isn't looking too good, and if I know the man he will be seeking out warriors to join his side. If you have combat skills, this may be an opportunity for some solid work readers.

So that's what has been happening, but what have I heard on the grapevine?

Well on the rumour mill I'm hearing a lot of discussion about the "Artifact" and stories of the fabulous wealth and power it will supposedly deliver onto the person who finds it. While many of You Are Here's artists and attendees have been busy taking up sides in the arts war, just as many seem to be setting out alone in an effort to find the artifact and claim its rewards (whatever they may be) for themselves.

Speaking of which, in the midst of Saturday's magical powers/cybernetic deprogramming another part of the document emerged (the third), hidden in the blanket fort at CMAG. Crazy capitals were there again as per usual:

Part 3 (The Middle Years)

It was a time when the markets took a kamikaze dive and everyone had to learn the depression jive. All around the sHite went down and everybody was broke and run down. With no work around the artifact grabbed its swag and took to the frog and toad dusty and brown. It sung with the swag men, and danCed with the washeR ladies. A drover from on over said it spent time as a billy cAn if you can believe the man. ClaiMs it sang old mountain tunes while it bubbled and boiled, it would be as Aussie as Kingwoods, meat pies, road kill roo and Uluru if this was true. 

However it is also written the artifact spent time among the painters and prostitutes, poets and dancers, the deacons and dignitaries. It walked the paths of Gorman House when it was a place for typists and clErks not artists and arts workers. Stop press the human race is in another mess. Another war came. So many wars and so many dEaths they built a museum, to hold the guts and the gloRy, the factual and gory and all the his-story. 

So sick of the big bad battle bass beat the artifact took to the skies with the galaHs. It flew from post to post singing nonsense songs for its feaThered hosts. It swam with the fish and ran with the roos, it dined with foxes and slept with the possums. But humans as stupid as they are were its favourite species by long and far.

 
In records where historY becomes mystery and smells of disinfectant and dysentery. There is the tale of the defector and detectors the artifact and a man named Petrov the unlikeliest pair you ever thought of. The whole affair had a Hollywood air even down to Mrs PeTrov’s hair. It was back theN that ASIO declared the artifact a red and said it was better off dead. So it went undErground, down, way down, amongst the bedrock and bedbugs. Amongst the unconformity Was where it was comfy. But this was just a kip and soon it was back up amongsT the hip and the happening, all crazy fast and maddening.

So where do your allegiances lie in all of this dear readers?

Me? Well as always I am interested in preserving two things. The Truth, and the Canberra arts scene.

Want to keep on top of what is happening (and keep competitive in the race for the artifact)? Then keep your eyes on these links as well as this blog:

Facebook page.
#artctrl tag.

Current Mood: Exhausted.
Current Music: Björk - It's oh so quiet.

Poor rich kids exposed to dangerous artistic element at concert!

Last night at the Ainslie Place Stage of the Free Music for Rich Kids music festival several privileged children popped their monocles in surprise as rogue artists T-Bone, Mac, and the Bird stormed the stage as a part of a ruse to steal another piece of the document.

After distracting the audience with a show of her secret bird dancing powers while T-Bone and Mac nabbed the document, the Bird later seems to have betrayed T-Bone and delivered the second part of the document into the hands of the public. Audience members could challenge the Bird to a game of the You Are Here Card game in return for a copy of the document.

Of course, I've managed to get my hands on the words contained within, so here they are:

Part 2 (The Roaring Years)

It was the early days of the CanbErra, a Prince of Whales laid a rock, the grass grEw and the sheep knew change was in the aiR. The Artifact watched the workmen come, it listened to their songs, watcHed their fights, slights and miseries. It continued to torment King O’Malley, a habiTus occurrence for which there is no expLanation nor clarification. It’s said somewhere that it once spat in his eye, why it enjoyed his ire we’ll never know.

About this time the records do show that from Melbourne town a bountiful burEaucracy of birds came to Canberra town to gaTher and hoot and count the government’S loot. They checked and collected, they initiated and debated, the long grey sleeve of order was here to put the Federation in good order. And all the while in the brand new Old Parliament House the Artifact absorbed the ambitions and petty cOntrition’s of a new wave of politicians.

Alas, just the like the benign rhyme we leave beHind, those peaceful days went bye. War broke out in somewHere else land and men went where only some came back. Meanwhile the mis-in-fortuned who spoke the tongue of the Hun were bailed up, banged up and set to a camp to hold up in Canberra town. This is when some say the ArtifaCt went walkabout to Sydney town to lose itself and forget how the war went down.

Many suggest it wasn’t long befOre it came back to Canberra town with a headful of big city sounds. Others say it never left and was seen holDing place on a shelf in a pub that was not far from any place. Some wags say they even saw it pull a beer once or twice, howeveR that is politely unlikely. They say without its time in this pUb lace we’d never have had the pub rock scene in a not so distant time and place. Regardless of which arguMent has the best case we know it ended up here ensuring people had a creative space.

The tale continues it seems. I wonder how many fragments of this document exist?

The capitals are all wonky again, is there a hidden meaning here too?

My fears (well maybe not fears, I may have been a little exited about it) that the violence of T-Bone and Mr B's conflict would impact on the festival have been confirmed, but thankfully no blood has been spilled yet.

Meanwhile the mysteries around are growing, and the You Are Here staff seem to be holding more answers than they are letting on. If you get the chance, try asking any member of the You Are Here team wearing one of these bird badges for a clue...

I won't lie to you readers, the betrayal by the bird has me both confused and concerned, I hope she knows what she's doing, but the choice to share the information with the public is exactly what I'd like to see done with it.

But she's making some dangerous enemies...

I'll keep reporting what's going on here, you keep working out what this all means here, and keep up with the players in this game here.

Look after yourselves, and have a rad You Are Here guys.

Current Mood: Concerned.
Current Music: Frente! - Accidentally Kelly Street.